William and Reflux

*Warning: this is long, and a bit whiny. I wanted to put this down so I don't forget what happened. Sorry if this is boring, but I need to get this out.*

It sounds so easy when you are sitting there. Feed him 5-6 times a day. Figure out when he spits up. Medicine 3 times a day. Keep him upright for an hour after eating. Of course. Should be so easy. Nodding head in agreement, mentally taking notes. You leave with the best of intentions, knowing that it sounds so easy. Of course we can do it.

Then you get home. Life starts up again. Snacks for this kid, lunches for both, drinks, please clear your place, please clean up your toys, laundry needs to be transferred, put away, dinner plans, please can you clean up those toys, feed the baby, take foreign object OUT of baby's mouth, dishes to be loaded, unloaded, kitchen to be tidied-whole house to be tidied, don't forget food for mommy.......I could go on and on, as you moms know. It just never turns out as simply as you think.

We went to the doctor's today. William has been more fussy lately and spits up so much that it has been a concern of ours. Tommy asked me to "get a plan" and find out what we can do about it. It is hard to watch all the food you just gave him come right back out. All those lovely baby food colors are all over my carpet as well as his clothes. I am nervous to feed him. He had medicine for an ear infection and that would come up too. I was afraid to feed him too much, so I may have been giving him too little. He has lost weight(ohmygoodnessIamaterriblemommyhowcouldIbe NOTfeedinghimenough). Half a pound in 2 weeks. I need to feed him more. I need to feed him more. Not that he's small, but he is losing weight, and for me that is not okay. Does he have reflux? Yes. Does he have food allergies? I don't know. My kids have always spit up. But about 7-8 months when they start sitting/standing, it tapers off and goes away. His seems to be continuing with a vengeance, or maybe it's just because it's the solid food color.

In the small exam room there were 5 of us, including a stroller. It seemed like we were all arms and legs, since the kids were sitting on the floor, and it all was a bit overwhelming. The doctor may have been feeling that too, because as we talked about everything, she pointed to the kids and said "you do have a lot on your plate." Let me tell you, was I ever feeling it at that moment.

(I have to add that this is NOT the doctor I see regularly. She is not my, shall we say favorite in this practice. Our personalities are SOO different that sometimes I think that the communication goes awry for that reason alone. Each time I think it will be better, and each time I leave feeling upset and that I am not listened to. Tommy knows this, and tells me that I need to just avoid her. He hates getting phone calls at work from me when I am all upset; read: crying and/or yelling.)

Anyhow, we have a plan, and we will see where it goes from here. I will try not to beat myself up about this, and just move on. Do what I need to do. As with anything, I have to "just keep swimming, just keep swimming."