Friday, August 5, 2016

Guilt Runs Strong With This One

Wow.  I totally missed July.  How did that happen?

It's hard for me to blog in the summer.  Not because we are super busy. On the contrary.  We don't take any trips, haven't really done anything exciting at all, and sometimes I struggle in that department. My anxiety and "comparing" gets the better of me in the summer. 

                                          Free chicken, and the crazy kids to go along for the ride.

I have a hard time in the summer, as I don't want to spend my time driving kids back and forth for a camp or something every week, and we don't really have the money to do a huge trip.  Facebook and blogs are sometimes hard as it seems like everyone goes to the beach. We don't belong to a pool, we don't have any beach trips planned, and we just aren't super exciting.  Well, I am not exciting.  And I struggle sharing that with the internet world.  I married a man who is spontaneous and wants to get out and enjoy the time with his family.  He tries to plan things and it is a constant struggle to not be the voice that says "no" all the time, especially in front of the kids.  It's my own anxiety, and my own hang up, and the worry of the logistics of how we manage things. 

                                                   (A photo from the 4th!  Flag shirt and all)

But if I dwell on the things we "don't" do, I will get more depressed, so I try to think about what he HAVE done.  We have a house full of fun, and family nearby.  We have all had some kind of camp: VBS (all but Tommy), Cub Scout camp (Tommy and William), singing camp (Emma), basketball camp (William), and Boy Scout Camp (Tommy and Patrick).  My sister has been generous with her pool guest passes and we do have 5 kids, so it's not like it's quiet in the house.  William and James have been inseparable and have been spending hours together in the corners of the house. Lucy has gotten into everything she shouldn't, as well as climbing, talking, dancing, and just getting cuter than ever.  Emma and Patrick have been reading and enjoying Netflix (oh, I have enjoyed it too.  Too much), and I love that they have played every kind of board game and even some old fun, like fashion plates.  And the library has seen plenty of us.

                                                 (Week long camp for these guys.  Not the little one.)

I realize that this post sounds sour, self-pitying and dreadful.  It isn't all bad right now.  It's just a combination.  I have lots of guilt that we aren't fancy, but I do know that this is the life God has given us.  The kids are very well-behaved (as the lady at the dentist so sweetly told me today) and I don't meant to sound doom and gloom.  I give myself a hard time.  

                                                    (They had a great weekend!)
                                                    (VBS week, where we only made it for some of the week)

We have 3 weeks until school starts for Patrick, and even though I am panicking at that thought, we have time to do some things together, and I know my wonderful husband will be able to take some time to have family fun. So when you put it down on paper, is looks much busier than it is. 

In the meantime, it's time to pull on my big girl pants and get ready for school, when there will be 4 (!) children at school.  Whoa.  Prayers for our family!         

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