Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Do you trust me?

As I was walking in Target the other day (oh man, how many times I could say that in month) I was struck, as I am very often, by how trusting my children are. My kids will just reach up their hand, and know that mine is there to hold theirs without even looking. They look up to me (well, not for very long, especially if they keep growing at this rate) and just know that I will be there to answer questions, give them meals, and take care of them. Before I had kids of my own, I loved to walk behind a child and the parent, holding hands crossing the street, or that little face looking up to the parents. It was always so special to see that, and I knew it would be amazing to have that as a mom. Now that I am a mom, I am overwhelmed by it. I always knew that the "parents are the first teachers" of their children, but when I think about how much I need to teach, whether by example or by showing, it is so much. Emma has a question she asks, and very often I feel that she is asking the same of me. "Why doesn't he know everything?" Such an innocent question, but with such big meaning. I always tell her that we are all learning, every day, and there is so much to be learned. Before I answer, I always pause for a moment, because that has such a big meaning to me. Being a parent is such an awesome job, but is anyone ever ready? Have I taught them good habits? Do I have good habits? (oh my, no!) Am I doing my best to help them to love God, love their siblings, and be good children? Am I a good teacher?

If I sit here and go through everything that makes me feel inadequate, I will start to get depressed and overwhelmed at the unknown and the long road ahead. I have to stop and I have to remember that God is in charge. He gave me Tommy to help (how good he is!), our family and community. I have to keep going, keep praying and just trust God in the same way a little child trusts. He is my Father, my parent and I need to be like the little child, trusting that He will hold my hand, take care of all my needs, and guide me and my family to Heaven to be with Him.

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