My husband says it might be me.

Is it? Is it really? Am I really that kind of person who doesn't stick up for herself? I have to admit that some days I really feel like it. Then again, there are others where I feel I need to reign myself in, clamp my hand over my mouth and walk away because God is giving me an opportunity to do some purgatory on earth. Either way, I know that each circumstance is different.

I seem to be at the doctor's offices quite often lately. One occasion called for going to see a specialist because of something seen on a test (which, when you do some research, your worries compound and you start to imagine things). Mind you, I had some pain as well, so I thought this is going to be great. I will get some answers, he will explain what they saw, and I will know what to do from here. The appointment arrived and (you know what's coming) the pain was not there. Naturally. Okay, I'll be fine. I know this pain. I know this pain. Fine, I'll still go in for some answers. I get there, and it's a tiny office. I mean REALLY tiny. 2 exam rooms, one office, and I can see each room from the exam room that I am sitting in. Okay, a satellite office, no biggie. The lady next to me has this disease, the lady coming in is on the transplant list (add a prayer for her) and after a loong wait, it's my turn. Questions, questions, and more questions, and he tells me we need to do some more testing. Fine, whatever. I describe my pain, and he says to me "That area doesn't have any feeling. There's NO WAY that you could be having pain there unless it's for these reasons."

Excuse me? So, because you don't think I have either of those issues, I'm not in pain. Wow. I really was stunned, and when he said that to me, multiple times, I just didn't know what to say. Sure, he's the specialist, and I'm just the patient, but.....really? That's what you are going to tell me? I've had surgery there, I know what I'm talking about. He never even addresses the test results from before. I tried to ask about those too, but nothing. I got to the front desk, and decided I just can't do this. I can't deal with someone who is going to treat me like this. I got in the car and started crying. I called my mom (of course - she's the one who can understand me when I am bawling, Tommy still hasn't mastered the art :) and told her about it. Maybe I could have done it differently, but do you really think anything would have changed? I've never had a doctor tell me that.

My husband, who is worried about me, said I needed to do more, but I know that he just wants me to feel better (and stop complaining about pain) and resolve the issue. I am hoping this isn't a serious issue (how can it be serious if that area has no feeling?) and will do better, AND if I ever have that experience again, I need to work on my skills.