The Big Pot (Which when it is stirred, doesn't always work out) and a long story

That's the expression I used when I went to the doctor yesterday, and the way my head feels.  I feel like I have a Big Pot full of Doctors that are taking care (or say they are) taking care of me right now.  I have the staples - the onions and garlic, that I know, and when I scoop them out things go well.  But, some unfamiliar spices or flavors come out other times, and I am not happy with the result.  I mean, really?  Am I 85 years old that I need someone to specialize in every part of my body?  Endocrinologist, OBGYN, Urologist (x2), Interventional radiologist (IR), primary care, and I know I am forgetting a few others. 

My problem right now is that when I chose to go to the hospital closer, I had a different grouping of doctors helping me.  When I met with my OB yesterday, we were trying to figure out how we can switch over easily when I have the baby, so I can have the proper care while I am at the hospital delivering.  We weren't sure we could go to a different doctor after one had ordered us to put in the nephrostomy tube, but I will be having a C-section and while I am at the hospital I can do some things to speed the process of figuring where the stone is that was causing problems, and getting it and the tube OUT (I usually stay there 3 days since it's "MAJOR" surgery, as my mom says.).  So, I don't have a date for this baby.  I tried to plead my case for a little earlier than 39 weeks (October 8) but I am not sure they want to do that.  I have diabetes (baby is big, measuring 2 weeks ahead, but may not be completely developed lung-wise, even with the steroid shots I received, etc.) and we want to keep the baby safe.  I get it, and we saw the baby in a sonogram, saw her face, little mouth moving and some practice breathing, and I know I need to keep my eye on that sweet prize.  It's all for her.  God is in charge, I know!  But, the doctor listened, and said they would "discuss me" at the next meeting.  I will be back weekly, so I will be hopefully get a date soon.  I am going to be spending a lot of time in the car!

*Here comes the Long Story: Last Friday I took the kids to school for orientation, all by myself, I would add.  I knew something was wrong with the tube, and knew I was going to have to go in to see the IR that afternoon.  My mom came to help, and I drove off to the hospital.  Nurses are super sweet, and we go back into a room and they say it's a quick procedure, shoot some contrast in the tube to see what's going on.  I had the same doctor and buff nurse who remembered me from the week before, so I was at least very grateful for that.

I am put on a small table, on my side, wrapped in a lead apron, and then covered in a sterile drape: otherwise known as a big plastic tarp to cook me.  I had some layers of clothing on, and I was VERY sorry I did that.  It.was.sooo.hot.  I was trying to peel off layers without interrupting, but I was sure it would be quick and I thought I would just offer it up.  No biggie.  Doc starts working, tells me there is a kink in the line and they can do a 3 minute change.  Okay.  Numbing shot on the area and we can do this.  More to offer up.

An hour later, the doctor says something is wrong.  The quick change isn't possible because there is sediment build up IN the tube, as well as around the tube.  He says the change has to be a complete tube change, and he's very sorry.  Meanwhile, I am cooking, roasting, baking (one nurse even called me  "pig in a blanket" which I did NOT let slide, and he knew it, I gave him such a hard time), and my legs are cramping, and the nurse is fanning me between his running back and forth to the drawers for different size things.  It starts to hurt as my kidney is swollen, and that tube is STUCK.  He is pushing, pulling, and I am trying really hard to be a good patient.  He keeps apologizing, nurse keeps fanning me, and I am praying.  2 hours later, the doctor gets the tube out - and I KNOW he didn't, but it felt like he just yanked the darn thing out.  OH. MY. OHMYGOSHTHATHURTSOMUCH and I screamed.  I am so embarrassed but I did.  It continued to hurt, and I was a mess.  The nurses come running in, the doctor asks if I can be sedated and I didn't even have an IV.  Nurses shove one in my hand, and start shooting some meds into it, not much help with pain, but it helped to calm me a bit.  Just a bit, mind you.  My prayers got much louder, and I was a mess.  Then, he has to put a new one in, using the same lane into the kidney.  yikes.  I am totally upset, and he gets it in and then shows me the line he was fighting.  Covered in stuff on the outside.  No wonder.  My sweet Tommy is waiting for me in the room, and I cannot move for the pain.  Nurses give us instructions (thankfully!) and want us to come back every 2 weeks to change the tube, either the quick one or the long one.  My anxiety went through the roof, and all I could think was please please please put me under!  Which, they may just do to keep me okay.  Technically, that means 3 more changes.  3.more.times.  Hopefully, no more.  First one is Friday, a FIRST FRIDAY in the month, so I am pretty sure the Lord will be asking for some sacrifices on His day.

Pregnancy Update

This is my day.  4 times a day I get to poke my finger, and watch the countdown with a little pit in my stomach.  6 times a day (sometimes more) I am eating.  Not just anything I would like to eat, but a specific, measured and controlled diet.  Diabetes diet (for those of you who aren't sure what that means, it is low carb).  As of right now, I have to shoot my leg at least once a day with insulin.  At 14 weeks, this is early for my gestational diabetes to start up, but after having it the last 2 pregnancies (as well as many other issues), I knew I would have to deal with it soon.  And, as the nurse told me today, things are going to get worse as it gets later in the pregnancy. (bless her dear little heart, she made me cry and felt dreadful after saying it.  I knew what she meant, but sheesh.) 

It's really hard this time.  Emotionally, it's really tough.  I knew it was going to be something God would challenge me with, but when I think about far away October is, it really gets me down.  I feel so alone, so helpless.  Why does my body react this way?  I feel like it's rebelling, and coming from this control freak rule follower, it drives me bonkers.  Why is it so difficult to find food that I enjoy, and why do I have to think about it all day long?  I have 4 kids. All pulling me in different directions, all needing attention.  I feel so selfish, and yet I can't be, and I am.  Oh, how I am.

I have done more research about GD and I am still so shocked by the results of what could happen if this all goes untreated, or unmonitored. Not really sure how I missed all the doom and gloom the first 2 times, but it has made things way more IN YOUR FACE and REAL. 

I realize compared to many other things mommas face during their pregnancies that this is nothing, and I am just feeling sorry for myself.  I went to confession to a dear priest and poured out all my frustrations and anxiety (crying, humbled, embarrassed).  He looked at me and said, "There is the ugliness of the cross that you can see, that is all you see right now.  And there is the beauty of the cross.  You have to look at your life, at your wonderful children and see all the beauty."  (can you guess what my penance was?)  Wow. and yes, exactly what I needed to hear.

So, well, that is what is going on.  I am doing a bit of melancholic wallowing, and trying to get through one day at a time, and looking forward to finding out whether we will be getting some pink in this house, or I need to start washing my blue.  On the positive side, my nausea is gone!  Thank goodness for small things, right?  I must look at the positive.  And on another note, I get to purchase some new maternity clothes this time around.  Only because when you have #5, your belly "shows" much sooner (no bump shots yet, maybe at 20 weeks), and when you start out fat bigger than you were before, you get new clothes that fit! 

Thanks for all the prayers and patience with my blog.