"You're doing too much!"

"Sleep when the baby sleeps."
"Just stay upstairs in your room and feed/change the baby."
"Let someone else do the laundry/dishes/homework/clean up."
"Everything can wait."

I have heard every.single.one of these each time I have had a baby.  Sure, the first couple times (especially with a non-C-section delivery) it's easy to do.  There is less to do.  It seems like a lot, at the time, especially with the first and second, but it's easier to take it slow.  It's more exciting for others - friends and family, as it's the first kids, and there are more visitors, offers to babysit, or come over and help.  (Not trying to point fingers or blame, but it's true.)  But life continues, and more kids come, more laundry, more dishes, more diapers, and the kids get bigger and have bigger problems, and people still say the same things.   

But I just had my 5th.  My kids are older, more involved, and are bigger with bigger problems.  (Apparently, October is the wrong month to have a baby when you have kids in school, but especially middle school.  The projects!!!)  Not only the kids, but I have had some bigger problems.  I have been struggling with health issues for the last few months and I am done.  Done feeling bad, done sitting around in a messy house, done getting tired so fast, just done.  And to be honest, I am pretty sure the family is done too.  They don't want to deal with it anymore.  (One of my children asked me if this was my last baby, since I am always so sick while I am pregnant.  It made me cry, but I know I need to teach a lesson about sacrifice, suffering, being unselfish, etc.  I need to do that with this child, especially!)  I get it.  My husband, my kids, my in-laws, my family, the super generous friends in our community, it's an old story.  "Fuzzy needs prayers.  Needs help."  They all have given so much and sometimes it is hard to keep giving.

 

Yes, I did have MAJOR surgery (as my mother tells me).  I know.  I am only 3.5 weeks out, and my incision is only 85% healed. Tommy took almost 2 1/2 weeks off.  But it didn't feel like time to be spent doing nothing.  We had more stresses this time around, more doctors visits AFTER the baby was born.  (We had 2 kids with strep diagnosis the day that I came home from the hospital, or the day after, I don't remember)  The baby needed to get to the doctor, and I wanted to have the tube taken out, etc. etc.  I tried to take it easy when I could.  I don't feel bad, and my body is so happy to NOT be pregnant or have diabetes, my kidneys are happier and life just goes on.  It just didn't feel like I COULD be sitting and doing nothing - well, nothing including nursing, changing and holding the baby.  But I still hear it. You need to slow down.  You are doing too much.

But this week, I had to take 2 kids to the doctor.  James and William have strep (again for James).  I had to go to the doctor's office 2 days in a row, to the pharmacy 2 days in a row, and continue with pick up, homework, etc. It makes me so upset that my James has strep for the second time this month, so I feel that I am not doing enough!  I ran around the house with bleach, crying as I was cleaning, changing sheets and just feeling like I can't win.  How can I slow down when life isn't?  I have 5 (!) kids.  They all need me.  All need help, my husband needs help.  He could use a clone on some of his days when he has 4 meetings in one night, but they all are activities that are for my kids.  The kids need clean uniforms (oh, and those dark socks!  How many mornings have I heard them ask where they are?!) and to do homework.  We all need to eat (unfortunately, all.the.time.).  It's just not possible.  I don't know how I am going to do less. 

Now, to be honest, my house is a mess.  It's dirty, I saw some huge cobwebs up in a corner that I can't even get close to reaching but you can only see when the sun hits it juuust right.  I will say my bathrooms are clean, and we need to have some clean dishes when I forget to buy paper plates, so on that front I am slowing down, and we had 4 baskets of clean laundry to fold.  So it all depends on how you look at it.  But not driving?  Not possible.

Everyone has been amazing.  Uh-MAZING!  The meals, the love, the gifts, just keep coming.  We have had meals come even after the meal train was all done.  God has been so good to keep sending us His love through others!  It's been so great to feel all the love from our friends and community.  We are so blessed, and I feel that we may be wearing out our love and help. We do have to get back.  I know we do!  I am trying not to "do too much" but I am just 1 mom. 

And, I am sorely outnumbered!

God has been so good!

*I have had this post to write for at least a month, and I know I will not write it as well as I should but I feel the need to put this into some clumsy words.*

I am overwhelmed.  Absolutely overwhelmed with all the things that have happened to me in the last month.  But I have also been overwhelmed in another way.  As soon as I made it known that I was in the hospital, the offers of help came immediately, but not just offers, DOING.  My friends, school community, parish, just everyone.  Help in the form of prayers and actions.

After I was admitted to the hospital, I had visitors (who arrived without announcement, saying that I would have said no if they asked first.  I think they just may have been right).  Two friends bearing gifts (which still make me cry) and encouragement and joy from their company.  A visit from our parish priest who brought Jesus to me in absolution, anointing and the Eucharist.  Another couple from the Knights of Columbus, coming to the hospital for their own issues, made an effort to come and see me because they heard I was there.  My sister came at least twice with plenty of hospital needs: dry shampoo, ear plugs. :) My sister-in-law and sweet nephew came with smiles, singing (oh yes, he sings!) and comfort gifts. She then proceeded to set up a meal train for our family (the second offer of the day!).  It is put up on the facebook website for the School parents, and is filled by some ladies I have never even met!  (trying really hard to hold it together, but if this has lots of typos it's due to the tears) With one of the meals, my friend hands me a card.  Inside the card is a gift of a housecleaning.  Not just one, but maybe even 2!!!  Again, all contributions from our community and some ladies I have met maybe one time!!!

We had babysitting offers, carpooling offers, visits to the pool, you name it.  I am not one to take up babysitting offers, because, let's face it, I have 4 kids!  It's a lot to take on.  But one lady insisted, and came and took all 4 of my kids to the pool.  She is the mom of one of my dearest high school friends and my kids just love her to pieces.  My in-laws and my mom were here every day: driving, sitting, cooking, cleaning, coming when we called at 4AM, and still helping each day, especially with all my doctor's appointments.

I don't think I cried as often as I did in those first weeks of hospitalization and coming home, just from the incredible generosity and love shown by so many (as well as the stress), and it has just been unbelievable.  There is no way to thank all these people properly, or enough prayers to shower them in the same love they have shown our family.  My kids must been feeling that Mommy hasn't cooked in a long time, because the first few meals got them so excited.  One even said, "Mommy should get sick a lot more.  This is so yummy!"  LOL  The honesty of kids.

My gratitude is beyond expression, especially when I look back at the OTHER factors of our life and how  things could have been while I was off my feet.  God had a big hand in so much, and we need to trust!!

"Pride goeth before..." you know the rest

To unload the car from any trip to the store requires a few trips: unlock front door, unload kids, unload sleeping kid and then get the bags (however many or few there are). Today, I am on my way back to the van, and as I am walking down the stairs, I see my new neighbor. I wave and say hello as I continue to walk. My foot catches the side of the sidewalk and wa-boom! My left knee hits the corner of the sidewalk, my right knee hits the grass and my hands slam onto the sidewalk. Ouch. Oh yes, it hurts. But what is worse? I am TOTALLY embarrassed. My neighbor comes over to check on me, and wants to be sure I am all right. I am mortified, and in soo much pain, but my pride is just smashed to smithereens. I have a good size scrape on my left knee and leg, and, just to show how old I am, my back hurts too. I thank him for checking on me, and proceed to finish unloading AFTER he goes back into the house, terrified I may do it again! He was so kind to check on me, and I wished I could have made some joke about it, but it's so hard to think of things in the moment. When I told Tommy the story, he laughed so hard, and with his great sense of humor said I needed to ask my neighbor if "all the girls have that reaction to him." LOL